in a weird place...

moving on thursday is starting to be sad to me. i am trying to see the light that i once saw but its getting harder.

yesterday i had a breakdown.... a sad and long drawn out crying one. where i was sad about kids growing up. sad that we didnt ever get to know anyone in the ward. sad that i was away from my parents. sad i cant watch my brothers play baseball everyday like i did. sad that i cant figure out whether to be upset or over certain things. sad that tom was in town. the whole nine.

jordan and i are excited to be moving. me especially. i am hoping this new ward has more people my age and that we will be able to get to know more people than the 2 or 3 from the last one. officially we never met with the bishop once. so odd. we got a calling and it was the 2 counselors that called us. dont get me wrong-i loved the kids, the calling was great, but i never had an opportunity to meet anyone. the parents didnt communicate at all and when they did communicate it was about there kid acting up. im kind of sad by our first ward as newlyweds. so moving we are hoping we will be in a better ward, maybe bigger?

i will miss the time with jordans family. we were standing in the bathroom brushing our teeth. our bathroom is small. VERY small. its bare now-no towels, no shower curtain, no rug. he turns to me and says "things will be different now, huh?". i shrugged my shoulders and said "i dont know what you mean?". [trying not to cry about how sad our apartment currently looks]  i get what he means now. we wont have family right here next to us. granted we do have kyle and devin living in laramie but i mean like cresta and ray. we had family dinners every sunday with them. it will be way different. cooking every sunday, not seeing them, not hanging out and playing cards. so many things are going to change. when we visit it will be visiting home-not coming home. i told jordan a few days before, its kind of sad were leaving. we made this little apartment home and we are just up and leaving it. were going to make the next place home and leave it again. we have a lot of changes coming in the next few years and no this wont be the same and yes things will be way different now. honestly, im kind of excited to start on our own. i love ray and cresta-but being married is an adjustment and im ready to adjust just us two. grow as one. [if that makes sense] im grateful for the time i have had here but im ready to be on our own and see what its like to just be by ourselves.

i am excited to have a 2 bedroom apartment. we dont have a bed for the second room yet but we will soon. [hopefully] we are taking donations if you'd like to support our new apartment you can send me  check. [kidding-maybe] haha. no but i am excited to have it so people can come visit. im hoping my parents will come and stay with us soon. that would be fun. plus steph & reese can come play with us-we always have fun with them. and ray and cresta can come anytime. [especially since cresta will miss her boys, i know, and will need to visit them!] it will be so fun. plus the bathroom is double the size we have now anddd it has a washer & dryer... and the dishwasher in the kitchen. im pretty excited about dishes not sitting in the sink. [biggest pet peev] oh and 4 loads of laundry that will be done when they are ready not all on sundays.... JOY! im hoping to get a job soon. i have one interview on friday. hopefully it goes well. im so ready to work... get out of the house. maybe jordan will get a part-time job and we wont have any worries on bills. im stressing because we will be paying double what i am paying here in powell plus electric. sheesh! life is so expensive.

i am excited. just nervous. there are a lot of changes to come. i just got over the changes mad 10 months ago, got comfortable, just in time to leave again.... its nice. i wish i was like my brothers and could up and move and be ok. they are such great examples of strength in change. they are studs....

well back to cleaning & packing...

ill post pictures of our mess, boxes, emptiness.... then the emptiness, boxes, mess, and home after.... i may be incognito for a  while.... happy blogging!